Tag Archives: smudge

Kiss From A Rose

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There was this ridiculous video I found on Reddit of a drunk guy serenading his cat to the Seal song “Kiss From A Rose.” The guy was honestly pretty good….and I about died laughing, or rather trying not to laugh. I was watching it on my phone in bed and Adam was sleeping, haha. So after I show Adam this he cracks up too.

Enjoy!

Fast forward to a few hours later. Adam is not drunk but decides to recreate the scene with Smudge, who is technically Adam’s baby and loves him a lot but is also notoriously a scaredy cat. Cue the music. Smudge starts to squirm around, while Adam does his best Seal impersonation. Suddenly, Smudge squats down and does a barrel roll away from Adam and I’m sure he is about to make his move and sprint away.

Instead he does this.

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And just relaxes in the luxuriation of a song from his dad. Typical.

Smudge is Scared of Sandy

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Scary!

Scary!

As I’m sitting here at my pal’s house (who has power) finishing this drawing from yesterday, I think I should have been more scared of the wind like poor ol’ Smudge here.  I hope the power comes back on soon or it might be a sleep over for a few days!

A new year, and a malfunctioning drawing tablet, so you’re stuck with this “cattoon.”

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Just hanging out with the cats.

Just hanging out with the cats.

So my dumb ol’ drawing tablet stylus is still broken and I had to order one from Amazon.  Boo.  But at least I’ll soon be able to do better digital drawings than I did today with my mouse.

What is this, you ask? I’m sitting on the couch, making a dumb face, with the “cats” sitting behind me.  I had to add this whole description because Adam said…”Huh?  What is that?  Why are you making that dumb face?” when I showed him.

Thanks.

I just decided to do a stupid picture of myself and do something funny with it.  So there you have it.  Plus, I’m too lazy to do it in pen and then scan it.  I don’t know why that whole scanning process drives me nuts.

Drumroll please…………….TADA! Today is ONE FULL YEAR OF NOTACRAZYCATLADY!!!

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Sorry for all the caps up there but I AM EXCITED!  This marks the end of the first year of notacrazycatlady and also the conclusion of my post a day challenge.

For those of you from the beginning, you know that I have boldly accepted the challenge (from WordPress.com and I suppose myself) to post every day.  Now, being that I am a teacher and don’t always have free time on my hands (ok, that’s a huge lie) and have gone on some vacations and whatnot, this proved to be a bit difficult sometimes.  But I loved challenging myself and have made some great strides in my cattooning.

Poor Adam had to deal with me jolting out of bed at 11:30 more than once or sitting on my phone trying to get a phone cartoon done when we were out with friends when I forgot that I had a post to complete.  And despite all this, he surprised me today with THIS!!!

Anniversary Surprise

Yes, that is a two-pound resealable bag of Twizzlers

All his favorites!

All his favorites!

Yes, you saw correctly.  My man got me a bottle of champagne, a two-pound bag of Twizzlers, and a hand-crafted, hand-selected anniversary picture of his favorite notacrazycatlady cattoons.  This might be better than our real anniversary!

Now, don’t think this means that notacrazycatlady is kaput.  I will be posting at least 2 times a week, if not more.  I just don’t think the everyday thing will happen.  It was a great experience and I love creating something every day, but with the Etsy store and the fact that thinking about posting everyday sometimes made me cry (not really), I will be trying to test out a few more new adventures.  But keep on checking back, because I’ll be here!

As a bonus treat today, I will share with you a little something Adam and I did on our honeymoon.  This was pre-notacrazycatlady but post-me-starting-to-cattoon-a-lot.

meow

meow

We got matching Duncan and Smudge tattoos.  Yes.  Yes, we did.  And we call them cattoos.  Well, I don’t know if he does, but I do.

Now this kind of looks like it sucks.  And it was supposed to be a little “sketchy”…not like sketchy sketchy, but like a sketch.  It’s all mellowed out now and blended nicely.  This was literally the day after we got them.  Yes, Adam has the same cat tattoo on his ankle, too.  I’ll spare him the embarrassment and just use my leg instead, ha!

Thank you to all you not crazy cattoon loving fans, friends, and family and I look forward to sharing more cattoons and stories with you in the future and hearing you share your stories with me, too!

Smudge really needs a manicure.

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Me-owch

Me-owch

The other day Smudge was climbing on me to get to some food on a tv tray – way to go Duncan teaching your brother dumb tricks and bad habits.  Adam tried to gently dissuade him with a wee shove but Smudge wasn’t ready to budge.  So he just casually pierced my fleshy quad with his razor sharp talon claws in an attempt to stay close to his beloved food bits.  So I had 14-ish pounds of cat hanging from my leg.  And now I literally have 10 little claws lines in my leg.  No joke.

Art imitating art imitating life. Is that how that goes?

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So I have been busy these days because I think I want to start going to craft shows….make that a craft show….I’ve never been before.   But I’ve made baby onesises and cool little magnets, and painted stools for friends and family before, so I figured why not try it out with strangers?    I decided I needed something else to have at my craft stand, plus I just wanted to try and paint fun little canvases, so I’ve been painting little pictures and whatnot.

I didn’t know what to post today, but I painted a portrait (is that the right word) of Smudge today.  Adam said I should take a picture of it and post that.  I declined.  It’s one of those things where I didn’t quite like little things but they made a big difference to me.  Which is strange because I post stupid cartoons everyday.  But whatever.

So instead I decided to draw a dumb little cartoon of me showing off my painting of Smudge.  Enjoy!

And maybe the painting will show its face.  Maybe.  Eh, who knows?

Smudge-Faced

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So embarassing

So embarassing.

We’ve been feeding the kitties Fancy Feast to avoid any more Disasterbetes drama and I’ve decided it’s waaaaay easier to just leave the can and lid on the floor for the kids to clean them all up than trying to stop them from getting into the recycled cans.  Plus, I don’t have to rinse the cans now!  We all win!

Smudge has been getting into this situation pretty hard-core.  More so than Duncan, I’d say.  It’s gotten to the point that his whole little face is smashed into the can and he gets food stuck in his fur and looks like a vagabond.  So I like to call it being Smudge-Faced.

Smudge is a cyborg

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Resistance is futile.

Resistance is futile.

I totally forgot about this until yesterday when I remembered that Smudge has a chip in his scruff that the cat place put in him.  You have to pay a subscription of sorts to get the thing activated, which we didn’t do, but he has it and is therefore a real robot cat.  I think it’s supposed to be in place of a collar, actually.  He likes his rainbow collar too much to give it up, though.

If Smudge was a real person…

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I crack myself up.

I crack myself up.

I did this at work today because I’ve been thinking about this for a while; and it’s this.  Smudge’s fur pattern does look like a little haircut but I’ve been neglecting a whole other element of it.  The black travels down the back of his head like a mullet.

How have I not realized and drawn this yet!?!?

So here he would be, in all his glory….all business up front, a party in the back, a creepy little moustache on the one side of his face, and nervous eyes.

I totally wouldn’t hang out with him.  Or maaaaaaybe I’d only hang out with him…..

Smudge was not excited to see Duncan getting his medicine today.

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Huh!?!?!

Huh!?!?!

Smudge was in the middle of playing by himself and his favorite string when he heard/saw Duncan getting his medicine.  This was the photo my mind took and transferred to my computer.

Just a few from the family album…

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Oh, hey.

Oh, hey.

Duncan loves to help put away laundry.

Thanks, Duncan.  You're really helpful.

Thanks, Duncan. You're really helpful.

What a beauty queen.

What a beauty queen.

Smudge thinks he’s beautiful.  And yes, that is an Ohio State name tag.

So comfy.

So comfy.

The cat knows how to nap.  ‘Nough said.

Hello, blankie!

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Someone found a new best friend!

Someone found a new best friend!

So I made the bed recently for the first time in a long time and put a delicious fleece blanket at the bottom for when I’m feeling chilly in the AC that Adam likes to turn to an ungodly cold temperature.  Adam fleecy blankets because he’s always hot, but Smudgie LOOOOOOVES soft blankets.  As soon as I put that blanket on the bed, Smudge was front and center.  Smart cat.

In this corner we have Duncan the Destroyer and in this corner we have Smudge the Pesterer.

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Eh, put 'em up, see?

Eh, put 'em up, see?

Duncan and Smudge have an illustrious history of cat fighting.  I’m pretty sure it’s just play but it might be more, too.  All I know is that almost always Smudge instigates and suffers the ensuing consequences.  Smudge is know for the back leg surprise bite and cower move, while Duncan is famous for his repeated paw bashing the head move.  So yeah, Duncan usually wins.

 

So my cats are bullies.

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I've raised monsters...

I've raised monsters...

Yes, you’ve heard it here.  I’d rather keep this one in the closet but for the sake of full disclosure here on notacrazycatlady, I must confess.

first, a little background:  Our cats are now moved in back in Cleveland with Adam while I am finishing up school here in NC.   Adam’s parents have a 19-year old cat who was a sassy thing in his day but who’s a little slower and probably blind and deaf now.

So in our efforts to acclimate them to each other, we’ve found out that our cats are bullies.  Specifically Smudge.  He’s been pretty awful and Duncan is his sometimes-backup.  This is how Smudge will corner poor old Schotze and Duncan will zoom around for back up from the other side.

I am an embarrassed cat mom.

With a little blood, sweat, and tears, he did it!

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I promise I won't notice the extra chair next to the climber

I promise I won't notice the extra chair next to the climber

Adam’s mom got the kitties a little kitty palace.  I haven’t seen them in action with it, but Adam sent me a picture of Smudge making it to the top.  Success!  There should be some sort of heavy-beat laden background music playing.

Oooo! What’s this?

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...about anything really...

...about anything really...

Smudge is really kind of excitable.  I won’t get into all the details, because he might get embarrassed (Adam, I think you know what I’m talking about) but I will share this.

I read once that someone created the question mark based on curious cats and their tails.  While I really can’t verify the veracity of this statement, I never understood it until Smudge.

Smudge always has a question mark tail when he’s excited or interested about something.  Literally, any number of things.  I could be in the bathroom and here comes little question mark tail guy.  There could be a new bag on the ground and guess who’s gonna stop by?

At least he’s easily amused and not a priss-pot.  Although, Smudge is a bit of a diva, I’ll admit.

Smudge’s future career path….spelunker.

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Realistically going where a lot of cats have gone before.

Realistically going where a lot of cats have gone before.

If Smudge could choose a career, he might choose becoming spelunker.  Why?  Because he likes to burrow in blankets.  However, he is an elitist spelunker.  He will only burrow in Adam’s blankets.  Whenever I lift my covers and attempt to coax him in lovingly, he gets a bit interested and excited, comes about an inch from the blankets, realizes it’s not Adam and goes away.  Jerk.  I just want a little cat heater under my blankets.  Adam gets super hot and doesn’t need you, Smudgey.  I guess Smudge just wants to be warm, too.   I said it once and I’ll say it again.  Jerk.

This scanner weird (I think I impatiently lifted the scanner lid too soon; big surprise, huh?) but I think it looks good since he’s going into a cave.  Serendipity!

Really, how could this not go well?

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I think this is a fabulous idea.

I think this is a fabulous idea.

Not too long ago, I posted my plan for a cat stroller that I will someday use.  About a month ago, Adam and I went camping and it got me thinking.  What if the cats could come camping with us!?

This was a brilliant idea.

For hikes we would create some sort of meshed backpack thing so that the cats could come along for the ride.  See the sites.  Sniff the animals.  Perhaps panic and flail about.  But they’d be doing it their roots…in nature.

Needless to say, Adam didn’t think this was such a great idea…which is why he looks a little disgruntled in the cattoon.

Side note: We went camping at this lovely park near us, which is only like 20 minutes from our apartment and is additionally like 5 minutes from the airport.  We definitely weren’t roughing it but it was our first time camping.  We did get sleeping mat things (which, by the way, are not entirely cushy as once might first suspect after testing it out on a carpeted floor….but did keep us up off the cold ground) but our tent was a Walmart tent.  Yes, you heard right.  Scoff if you must but I’d rather spend only like 30 bucks on a tent and then find out we don’t like camping than go all out at first and have to blow the dust off of it for our garage sale.

Anyway, the tent did reasonably well…especially considering that there were severe thunderstorms that cruised through that night.  It made sleeping a bit on the difficult side.

The only problem we had was a tiny puddle from the zipper, which was a heck of a lot less than I was expecting.  Plus it didn’t rain until later that night so we got our fair share of toasty marshmallows and burnt hot dogs.  Yum!

Camping = success…with or without cats.

Who doesn’t love pseudoscience?

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No caption necessary.

No caption necessary.

Adam told me about a professor he had once who told them that color affects people.  Yes, I agree.  Certain colors affect you when you see them (citation, please?).  But no, Adam swears that the guy said that the wavelengths of light from objects that bounce back at you, like from sheets or clothes, will affect you.

This, I have problems with.

No, it is entirely possible that Adam ended up enjoying a bit of an exaggeration in his story, as he has been known to do unintentionally; which I hope is the case.  Because that other  “scientific” idea just sounds plain crazy and I have never seen any evidence/research to support that.

Correct me if I’m wrong, people, but really.  I hate pseudoscience.

Like, what’s with those arm bands that “make you” more balanced?  Or those foot pads that “take out” toxins from your feet?

I mean, I’m all for well founded alternative medicine, but this is ridiculous and I can only hope I can someday create some idea that I can purport as science and end up swimming in a pool of money like Scrooge McDuck (awesome show, by the way).

Someday you WILL be seeing me like this. I guarantee it.

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C'est chic, n'est pas?

C'est chic, n'est pas?

Let me start out by saying that this idea is NOT my own.  I swear.  I saw my neighbor walking down the street with his cat in one of these strollers.  AND. THEN. I. WANTED. ONE.

This idea will come to fruition for me and you will see us strolling someday.

It sounds a bit strange and crazy, I know, but I think it really might catch on.  Jk, it is crazy and totally won’t catch on but I seriously don’t care.

Because this pretty much just happened this morning when I was trying to sleep…

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It's kind of creepy.

It's kind of creepy.

Smudge must have learned some passive aggressiveness from Duncan because he’s really stepped up his game lately.

Smudge has learned that if he’s annoying, he’ll get attention.  Mostly because Adam will say something like, “NO, Smudgey,” then proceed to pick him up and then give him love.  Now I’m not saying this is Adam’s fault (yes, I am) but whatever has transpired in the past is now coming back and making Smudge even more annoying and well-trained.

He will now just sit and look at us while he’s doing the super annoying act, whether it’s pawing at a plastic bag or crunchy piece of paper, or sitting on top of the Playstation 3.

It’s not the kind of look where he’s just doing a dumb old cat stare into space;  this has intention, people.  He knows EXACTLY what he’s doing.

So we just ignore him now and he stops.  He might have learned a new skill but he doesn’t have quite the persistence Duncan has.  Yet.

Who doesn’t love a good neckerchief?

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Who doesn't love a good neckerchief?

Who doesn't love a good neckerchief?

Adam and I were at the airport just hanging out like people with layovers do.  As we were waiting a military dude and a dog came walking past us.  The dog was special in that s/he was wearing a neckerchief.

Adam declared, “Who doesn’t love a neckerchief?” and the rest is history.

Duncan never cared about that bag until Smudge was all up in its business.

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Crunch crunch crunch.

Crunch crunch crunch.

Sooooo, I really have little to say about this except that this was the only love this bag got from the cats and it was mostly because Smudge likes to burrow and because of cat jealousy.

Smudge vs. The Toaster

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AHHHHHHHHHHHH!

AHHHHHHHHHHHH!

 

Smudge is the kind of cat that can be depicted by the phrase “scaredy cat.”  When he isn’t spending his time sleeping on decadent fuzzy blankets, he is usually scared.

Ok, let’s be fair; he is only sometimes scared.  But that’s fairly frequently.

For example, I think he may not have liked me for, oh, 3 years or so because I talk too loud sometimes and may get overly excited about many seemingly insignificant things (which can happen quiet often) which leads to large-scale movements and the before mentioned loudness.

This cattoon was inspired when I was apparently startling Smudge while Adam was holding him and then he became even more startled once the toaster popped up the toast.

Moral of the story: Toasters are scary and so am I.

Who says cats don’t want to be models?

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These Polaroids are keepers for sure.
These Polaroids are keepers for sure.

As we all may have gathered, I’m a little strange.  It’s been that way since day one and I love it.  My poor cats on the other hand, not so much.

I had a bunch of babydoll clothes and decided that I was going to do a fashion shoot with my cat Tui when I was in middle school.  The theme of that shoot was “Baby Chic” and included babydoll dresses, bonnets, and sass.  I was at my mom’s house the other day and saw that she actually had one of these pictures from the “Baby Chic” collection framed and on her bookcase.  Haha – I guess the apple don’t fall far from the tree, as they say.

And maybe when I was in high school I did another…but it was just a cape and a little crown for Tadley.  That shoot I like to call “Regal meets Midwest.”

Ok, and I suppose we all remember this, which may or may not reference a sweaterpisode a few years ago for the “Home for the Holidays” shoot.

And Adam’s brother Lee even bought Duncan a little t-shirt that said “Buddha-belly,” so I guess that’s the “Enlightened Fashion” shoot.  That was totally on him, by the way.  Not entirely my doing.

And maybe Adam and I bought Santa and reindeer “outfits” from the Target “Just for Cats” holiday line.

Holy crap, I am a crazy cat lady…but I suppose Adam is right there along with me so that buffers it somehow?

 

I think he likes it...

I think he likes it...

 

I think....he.......likes.......it....

I think....he.......likes.......it....

 

 

 

*cue crazy stage mom* See?  These cats are really into having a modeling career.  I can tell they love it.  I’m pretty sure they would be interested in dressing up all the time.  Time to start booking agents.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Flashback drawing: Smudge loves squirrels!

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Smudge + Squirrel = love?
Smudge + Squirrel = love?

 

Smudge goes nuts for squirrels (pun intended)!   When Adam lived in Denver, Smudge would run from room to room chasing squirrels when they taunted him with their squirrelyness at the windows.  He also had a standoff with a squirrel recently where the squirrel came in second place after the window.  If you never thought a squirrel was smart, think again.

I remember growing up and my friend Lynn and I would talk about how we were scared of squirrels when we would walk home from school.  Sure they’re cute, but they know how to intimidate.

One day I was walking home and decided it would be a fun idea to bark like a squirrel (? is that what they do?) at a squirrel.  Needless to say, it didn’t go well.  I can actually remember it very vividly in my head as I type this.  As I made my squirrely noise, it proceeded to gallup up the tree – yes, gallup – and climb to the branch directly above my head and bark back at me with enough ferocity that I ran the rest of the way home.  Good thing I was half a block from my house.

I never barked at a squirrel again.

The moon is a special place for Adam and Smudge…

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Adam and I were sitting on the couch with the cats, ’cause that’s what we do, and we were watching something about the moon.  The narrator said something about living on the moon or some other shiz.

Adam looked over at Smudge and said, “The moon?!  Who lives on the moon, Smudgey?  Not our moon.”  I interpreted this to be Smudge and Adam’s moon, because that’s the way Smudge would want it to be.

Smudge LOVES Adam.  Like, really LOVES him.  In a weird way Adam is his mom/brother/baby.  Smudge panics when Adam is gone from out-of-town and responds by spraying him when he gets back.  Sick, I know.  He likes to lick Adam’s head to clean him.  Often he’ll do this in the morning when Adam is still in bed.  I was actually jealous that Smudge didn’t try to clean me.  After all, I am his mom.  Actually he does sometimes lick my head now, but he kind of chokes on my long hair, haha.  I guess that’s why he doesn’t do it often.  Anyway, Smudge loves Adam and would like to live on the moon with him all to himself.

You, too, can have a cat with valuable skills.

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That bee helmet is very becoming on you, Smudge.

That bee helmet is very becoming on you, Smudge.

When it gets nice outside, we like to let the cats roam the wilderness, explore their wild sides, and get back to their roots.  By this I mean, of course, we let them sit on the deck…three stories up.  You’d think that the height would deter any wacky behaviors but we’ve had to grab ’em up more times than I’d like to count for squeezing through the railings to attempt to pose precariously on the mini ledge there or trying to leap onto the handrail.  Really cats?  Where you do think you’re gonna go?  And when you do, do you think I’m going to go run downstairs to save you?  Ok, I would.  But still.

We have tried to put them in harnesses many times for a more structured exploration of the out-of-doors, which is another tale for another time.  However, you’d imagine they kind of get the whole “we’re not on the ground this time, but rather three stories up.”  Buuuuuuuuut, they don’t always.

Aaaaanyway.  When they safari outside, they don’t always mess about with hijinks; they do have some deck appropriate activities. (P.S. Did you know that hijinks is a variation of “high jinks?”  What the heck?  I guess it would make a little more sense if I knew what jinks were.)

Often Duncan likes to eat the very plant leaves that give him the runs.  So fun, Duncan.  When will you ever learn?  I guess this actually was a bad example of deck appropriate activities because I hate having to chase him around repeatedly but he just can’t get enough of the stupid plant.  I suppose I would rather deal with this than a broken cat on the ground, though.

Smudge, however, has actually acquired a meaningful set of skills that will make him a valuable asset to our deck sitting community.

Smudge is a Bee-Wrangler.  He likes to pounce on bees and then….well, that’s about it.  He doesn’t really do anything with them except avoid being stung.  Lucky for him, with that bee colony living in our deck he could wrangle bees all summer long last year!  I’m hoping for our sake that this hobby of his is forced into retirement due to lack of bees, but this really is only one of the few things he has going for him, so I suppose I shouldn’t wish too hard for not enough bees.

On a side note, I have a colleague who actually is a bee keeper!  I was at her house this weekend and was amazed and astounded with being inches from three bee hives.  Smudge would have been super excited but I think my friend would not have liked her bees to be put in peril with the presence of a skilled bee wrangler.

Sorry Smudge, no field trips to the beehives for you.

Smudge is paving the way for cats who like footwear.

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Smudge is a troubled youth.

Smudge is a troubled youth.

Waaaaaay back last month when I posted about angry birds I made mention of Smudge and his lack of a driver’s license.  Poor guy is stuck with Heelys.  Ok, so someone who would be taking a driver’s test probably wouldn’t wear Heelys….and neither would cats, but we’ll just forget that part.  My cousin told me the thought of a cat in Heelys was stuck in her brain, and I thought, yes, yes, I will cattoon about Smudge wearing Heelys!

But actually who really is stuck with Heelys?  These things are amazing!  I personally haven’t tried them but I’m seriously considering it.  Whenever I see a kid wearing them, I get somewhat jealous.  Forget walking when you can just scoot around to your heart’s content.  I’ve really wanted to have a real Razor scooter at school for those days when I don’t feel like walking, but I think Heelys might be a much more realistic solution.

I can’t believe Heelys haven’t been bigger in the adult community.  Well, I actually can.  I guess there aren’t too many things that teens and adults are both interested in.  Besides…maybe Twilight? In truth, I have an unreliable perspective since I am around kids all day.  Well…..I suppose that really isn’t the reason for my unrealistic perspective, though,  since I really just am an oversized child at times…which still isn’t even all that true.  Many of my students are bigger than me.

But this is all beside the point.  Here Smudge is.  In all his glory.  A true tween.   But a fast one.

This is a must read for every misbehaving cat. Consider this post the Lifetime Move Network of cattoons.

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No one wants a lollipop stuck to them.
No one wants a lollipop stuck to them.

Adam was at the doctor one day and said he saw a little cat scurrying about outside.  Interested to know more, since I have invaded his brain with cat curiosity in our time together, he watched to see what would happen.

And it was….A SEWER CAT!

Living like vagrants in the underbelly of the city, sewer cats dominate the night.  Rarely visible in the day, they may appear in times of desperation for fish bones or to pickpocket you. They are players in the game and work with whichever side benefits them most, be it Ninja Turtles or Shredder.  Sewer cats scheme and do not like to be challenged. Plus, they smell.

We told Duncan and Smudge that they are lucky not to be sewer cats, though we are highly considering it for Duncan.  He should just have his own sewer portal nearby so he doesn’t have to keep peeing on the carpet.  Nasty.  He’s already got the cattitude for a sewer cat.

Flashback drawing: Cat turf wars…COMMENCE!

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Whapping tails = displeased

Whapping tails = displeased

Another “oldie” here.  This was back when Adam was in school in Denver.  You may notice my basic attempt at mountains in the second panel there – that’s how you know it was Denver.  Surprising fact if you’ve never been to Denver….Denver is not actually mountainous, lush, and green as I has envisioned in my head.  It’s actually kind of crowded, flat, brown, and sparsely vegetated.  However, the mountains are awesome and the downtown was pretty rad.

But that is all beside the point.  This is a tale about a very small portion of Denver, namely Adam’s apartment and the grass outside of it.

You see…..

There once were two young cats who lived in a rather nice Denver apartment.  There were windows galore, tons of room to run around, and a fireplace to gaze in and lay beside.

Things couldn’t get better for these guys.  Sometimes, they’d even see squirrels running about, which was very invigorating for the two brother cats.  They would run from room to room following squirrels outside.  Life was great.

That was, until HE stopped by.

A little perky cat would prance around outside in front of the window, practically flaunting his freedom, individuality, and charisma.

These cats did not like this and so they just sat and stared at him through the screen whapping their tails as furiously and vigorously as was possible to demonstrate their displeasure.

Nothing ever happened.  The end.

They really were pretty mad at that guy.

Smudge loves squirrels…a little too much.

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No one wins against glass.
No one wins against glass.

Our apartment is great with a cool loft that overlooks a parking lot with some kids rebounding a ball off my car some trees and a bit of the neighborhood.  In its suburb-y apartmentness, it does let the cats into a a taste of the world of nature they normally don’t get to see when they are busy sleeping and being lazy.

Smudge really likes to sit and pretend he’s Jack Hanna sometimes.  He’s very good at observing.  It’s all well and good until nature gets too close.  Then forget any sense of decorum or curiosity….it’s on.

This day, a squirrel decided to get a little friendly with Smudge as it crawled on the roof of the deck.  I wasn’t there to see it, so I can only go on Adam’s recollection of the event.  Pretty much the cattoon says it all.

A ferocious battle of wits ensued, not unlike that of the Princess Bride, until Smudge lost when he thought he could tackle the squirrel and ended up tackling his own face in the window.  The squirrel figured out that it was safe and went about its squirrely business, unscathed minus an adrenaline rush.  Sorry Smudge…looks like you still have a bit to learn about the world.

Flashback drawing: These cats have incredible balance.

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I'm a loner, Dottie.  A rebel. Quick - where's that from?

I'm a loner, Dottie. A rebel. Quick - where's that from?

Here’s another one “from the vaults”.  (P.S. I never can remember if I should put the period inside the quotation marks or outside.  I know it goes inside if it is an actual quotation and not for inappropriately used quotation marks for irony, but is there a rule I should be following?)

No idea why I decided to draw this other than I thought it would be funny.  Duncan and Smudge probably just want to escape sometimes and this is how I imagine they might want to do it.  Like rebels without a cause.

I would hope that they are currently content and enjoy their sedentary lifestyles chez nous, but they might be hitting a mid-life crisis sometime soon.  It’s entirely possible we find a note some morning written with some leftover catnip declaring their intent to get hair plugs, find some young kitten girlfriends, and move somewhere where they can wear floral island-inspired button-down short-sleeved shirts and ride a motor….cy…..cle (Quick, where’s THIS from?).

There’s really not much more to say, or that could just be the bleach from the bathroom melting my brain.  But at least it’s clean now.

Vroom vroom!

I’ve totally been pulling a Smudge at least 3 times this week.

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Smudge is very specific about his sleeping habits.

Smudge is very specific about his sleeping habits.

I think I am perhaps battling some sort of illness, ’cause science knows I’m around enough germs all day long it’s bound to happen.  Plus, I’ve been getting back into my old napping habits lately, so something must be up.

My friends will probably laugh at me because I’m usually always tired and the first one to pass out once it gets past 9 o’clock, so yuk it up, pals.  But this could be serious.  Cue Dorothy in the Golden Girls episode about chronic fatigue.  She finally felt less crazy once she knew she wasn’t a hypochondriac disease fabricator.

But I really can’t help my fatigue.  It got to the point where I was concerned I had sleep apnea or something worse and actually got a sleep test.  I got to spend the night at a sleep clinic and become a cyborg so they could monitor my sleeping patterns.  AND I got to stay the next day for a nap study where I had to try and nap every 2 hours.    Sounds like bliss but I think I suffered from performance anxiety; I couldn’t fall asleep in the naps when I KNEW I would be able to do it otherwise.  I recall actually be upset with myself that I didn’t sleep.  Cue perfectionist syndrome right about now.

I usually can totally fall asleep almost anywhere anytime (You can ask my friend Jessi about how I made us take a nap in the car on the side streets of Memphis as we were waiting for the businesses to open on Good Friday.  Woo!  Spring break!  Later she told me she didn’t want to take a nap and that she didn’t sleep and I almost felt bad but I was too refreshed to think about it after that.)   I thank my dad for that; he’s a champion napper.

Well today was the third day this week that I took an at least 3 hour nap.  Like I said, I come from champion stock.

I also like to think I am somehow indirectly bonding with Smudge.  He and I have taken a while to really love each other.  Mostly because Smudge is in love with Adam.  I think he thinks Adam is his baby or his brother or maybe even his mom.  I don’t know but Smudge gets jealous of me, that I do know.  He just used to look at me kinda funny and pretty much ignore me and get irritated if Adam was giving me attention.  It took him a while to know who the head queen of this palace is.  That’s right, Smudge.  You better recognize!

See, Smudge is also a champion napper, so by napping I am signing his metaphorical yearbook with “2cool 2b 4 gotten ❤ bffs!”.  If there’s no sign of him, it’s pretty obvious the first place to check.  He is a kindred spirit with me in that he loves super soft blankets so I’ll often find him snuggled up in *ahem* my super soft blankets.  It’s ok.  I’ll share.

Part of the problem is that Smudge is a cave cat.  He goes to great lengths to get all up in those blankets to make himself a nap cave.  While I applaud his ingenuity and good taste, it is also a recipe for disaster.  I’m pretty sure he’s come pretty close to being smushed several times.  For this reason, Adam devised a plan.

I came home one day and found this on the bed:

It was done with a really cumbersome marker, people.  Give him a break!

It was done with a really cumbersome marker, people. Give him a break.

Adam is actually pretty artistic but to see this on the bed firstly made me confused about what in the world he meant, and secondly made me laugh until I almost peed my pants.  I didn’t though…

This was Adam’s way of ensuring the protection and privacy of Smudgey and I thought it was hilarious.

And it saved Smudge’s life that day.  The. End.

Flashback drawing: This could be a movie.

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They're training out back right now.
They’re training out back right now.

This is another cattoon from the days of old (i.e. maybe 1.5 years ago).  Again, not sure about the no whiskers thing.

So Duncan and Smudge like to romp and wrestle but it is mere playtime.  They are brothers and love each other.  Well…I think Duncan might just tolerate Smudge actually.

I say this because I have noticed a pattern.

Duncan can be contentedly sitting and Smudge will come up and either lay near him or just stand there and start licking him.  It starts off nicely and then turns into bites.  Duncan wants nothing of it and walks away.  And then who finds a new seat?  That’s right.  Smudge sits down in the exact location Duncan was previously sitting.  It’s a non-mutually agreed upon displacement.  If Smudge was a kid he would totally love it when he got to class and found his seat still warm from the previous class.  Gross.

Other times Smudge will just up and chase Duncan around, generally biting him on the be-hind or legs.  They’ll run around a bit and then stop for a break – but Smudge does not honor this cat code and keeps nibbling.  Duncan does not like this.

This drawing shows the day when playtime is for keeps (What a weird phrase.  Does that refer to someone keeping all your jacks or marbles?  Aw, fiddlesticks!).

Duncan would probably be victorious because he usually wins playtime battles.  Generally Smudge is supine with a fast black paw slamming him in the head before he has a chance to blink – even though he is the aggressor most often. Really, does he not learn?

But I don’t know…Smudge is devious and sneaky.  He might be the one to point and say, “Hey is that string cheese?” then go for the Achilles.

Perhaps a cage match cat fight is in our future?  I think they might even hate like to dress up for it!

 

 

Coincidence? Or is Adam in cahoots with a logic puzzle book? And if so, I’d like to see some royalties, please.

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Tickets only $12!
Tickets only $12!

This September Adam and I tied the knot and went on a splendid honeymoon that was a little less than traditional.  We decided to head to Maine and go on a windjammer boat!  It sounded adventurous, filled with nature, and we thought we were going to be sailors by the end of it all.

My impression as we signed up: Cool!  It’s a huge 90 foot long sailboat and we’re going to learn how to do all sorts of cool pirate-y stuff probably.  Do we get eye patches?  Yeah, we’re gonna go out in the open seas and the food is gonna be awesome!  I can’t wait until we get to see some really cool cities in Maine when we go to shore.

My impression as we got the complimentary DVD in the mal after we signed up:  Hmm…is this from 1992?  ‘Cause I’m pretty sure high-waisted acid wash jeans and those windbreakers aren’t all that in fashion…plus that’s a little grainy for a DVD.  Oh, wait!  There’s the second half of the DVD…looks like we hit the 2000s.  Wait – is it me or is that a lot of gray hair or is it just me.  Aw, dang.  We’re taking a retirees’ cruise.  Baloney.  Well….it’ll be…….interesting….

My impression as we get to the boat:  Is this really a city?  I mean it’s the biggest thing we’ve seen so far, but I’m a little confused.  Um…where are we supposed to go? No one seems to be here to help us so I guess we just go whatever we want.  Hmm…let’s try this one down there.  What the?  Are those elderly folks really walking with all their luggage down that precariously wobbly awfully steep bridge-y thing to get to the boat?  Oh my god, we’re gonna see someone tumble and my first aid certification expired last year.  That’s like a 30 degree angle!  Jeebus!  Oh look, a young person!  The crew is our age…that’s nice.  Maybe we can talk with them about MTV or something.  Hey, that older guy was nice to you.  What did he say?….”You guys know you’re travelling with a retirement home?”  Oh.  Well….let’s get our stuff situation.  Where’s our room?  Is that the closet?  Oh.  That’s the room.  I see.  Are those open slats on the door?  On all the doors?  Oh.  I see.  Um…let’s just go back to the grocery store and Walmart for the 3rd time.  Maybe we can get some snacks or something….

My impression 2 days into the cruise:  You have got to be kidding me.  What the heck were we thinking?  Seriously?  There are like 3 people over the age of 85 here.  I thought we were going to get to do some adventuring.  Well, at least the food is delish!

My impression 3-6 days into the cruise: Yay!  This is soooo much fun!  Everyone is really nice and we have a few other “late nighters” who we can chat with till like 9.  I hope no one falls…that would really kill the mood.  The food is great, it’s nice to just relax, enjoy the sea, row ashore and get a work out, spend some time together, and work on logic puzzles.

 

And here is where the cattoon finally emerges into the story.  As we carelessly jaunted from one little island or bay to another I would often do my logic puzzles.  If you don’t know what I’m talking about, you don’t know what you are missing!  They’re these little grid things with there’s some dumb story at the top that is not necessary to read since it doesn’t really matter anyway.  You use the provided clues to put all the missing pieces together.  Like….which girl lived on which street in which color house and with which pet.  That sort of thing.

The puzzle I was working on was for some puppeteer name Paulus Petricelli.  I was astonished because Adam’s middle name is Paul and Petricelli is not too far off from his last name.  Amazing!  Perhaps Adam has a secret career as a puppeteer and was spotted on a late night puppeting show by the editor for this logic puzzle book and in an attempt to somewhat protect his identity they changed his name.  Secret’s out, folks!   We have a celebrity up in here!  And obviously his puppet would be a version of Smudge (name changed for his protection, as well, of course).

So please, if you see Adam puppeteering somewhere, please be sure to heckle him.

This post contains false pretenses, drugs, and cats.

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Smudge makes more sense like this.
Smudge makes more sense like this.

I was pumped yesterday when I got my first comment yesterday from someone I don’t know.  In honor of her kind words and this momentous occasion in notacrazycatlady.com, I bring you my cattoon inspired by her comment.

Duncan and Smudge both actually really like catnip (as evidenced by Duncan’s hidden stash in the pocket of his smart and practical short sleeve button down shirt – those shirts just remind me of my high school social studies teacher).  We keep the ‘nip in the kitchen so it kind of makes me wonder if when I go get it for them they mistake it for food and that’s why they go gaga for it.  That would apply at least to Duncan and Smudge is pretty good at following.

The next thing I wonder about is what the heck they are thinking when they are on it.  Is is like a hallucinogen and they imagine entering a wonderful world of floating Doritos/birds/squirrels/cheese sticks that they can chase?  Because they move pretty darn fast when they’ve rolled in and licked up catnip.  Additionally, when Duncan hears a cheese stick being pulled from the package – let me repeat.  Pulled. From. The. Package.  Not being opening, not smelling it, not seeing me get it – when he hears that chhhhhhh as it tears from the perforations.  He comes RUNNING.  So it wouldn’t surprise me if he was on some sort of a cheese hunt in his tiny little melon.  And Smudge loves to eat squirrels so that seems reasonable, too.  Or are they just all jacked up and ready to go and just have to run, run, run as fast as they can or else their hearts are going to explode?  Perhaps they get really paranoid and feel like they’re being chased by a noisy plastic bag being crinkled/vacuum cleaner/squirt bottle?  Who knows.

And really, who cares?  Because when it boils down to it, if they are busy in their own world and aren’t marching all over me when I’m trying to type or eat delicious cereal then that catnip is going to be like my new babysitter catsitter.  I mean, I wouldn’t ever probably wouldn’t do that if I had kids but Duncan and Smudge seem to really enjoy it and they’re practically middle-aged so who am I to kill their buzz?  Plus they’re cats.

On a side note, Duncan LOVES to lick the tops of strawberries when I finish eating them.  I did a small bit o’ research and found that strawberries and catnip are apparently related plants.  So if you are wanting a drug free environment for your cats you must rid your household of strawberries, as well.  Boo 😦   But since I’m ok with the ‘nip for the boys, it’s allllll right with me to keep strawberries in the house…minus the probably tons of pesticides I consume from strawberries.  That’s probably worse than a high cat.

He’s really embarrassed I posted such a candid cattoon of him. He likes to be portrayed much more glamorously.

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He's just big boned.
He’s just big boned.

I’ve observed that in our frigidly cold apartment the cats are quite adept at surviving.  Sure our apartment isn’t that cold but when you’re on the 3rd floor of a building you kind of root for science and expect the heat from below to come racing up and party with you all winter long.  It’s pretty good about doing that in the summer.  What the heck, heat?

Oh wait, it might be because we get a cool, refreshing breeze from between the windows and their frames and it’s questionably if there really is insulation.  When you touch the wall and it gives you frostbite it’s always a little concerning.

Smudge and Duncan have decided that they have a hard time wearing hats, sweater, robes, wool socks, and scarves like Adam and I do; plus they don’t really like to follow most fashion trends.  Instead they just look fat.  I like to attribute it to gluttony but Adam assures me that they’re both just fluffed up.

Smudge specifically has a winter look and it is not snow bunny or tundra chic; he is Fat Triangle Cat.  This is also very similar to Jabba the Hut.

Smudge is sweet but acts weird sometimes because he gets kind of anxious.  A lot of times this manifests as bug eyes, sharp awkward movements, and sitting frozen staring.  He does this in his Fat Triangle Cat pose and it only adds to the intensity – this is like Blue Steel, folks.  He has no neck and there is a beautiful line from his head to his…haunches?  legs?  be-hind?  whatever, that gives his the really elegant look of a fat triangle.  It’s quite stunning.

And just like Jabba the Hut his face seems to melt into his body.  He often sports that look when he’s sitting on a lap and his fat fur fluffs up.  It’s pretty hilarious.

So, I’m sorry Smudgey for showing the world your true look but we’ve all got to get past Photoshop and all the superficiality America loves and we’re paving new foundations this post.

Duncan takes his food VERY seriously.

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They mean business.
They mean business.

If Duncan has one job in this world, it is to procure food.  It nearly doesn’t matter what kind of food, as long as he get his paws or mouth to it.  Some cattoons in the future will showcase his favorites but this cattoon reflects on that Duncan demands food from us, mostly when it gets close to dinner at least an hour near dinner.   When his food conquest begins, he marches around the apartment  doing laps and knocking papers off tables/counters and follows us everywhere in the hopes that we might venture into the kitchen for his food.  Interestingly, Duncan gains a lackey in his determined state, a one Mr. Smudge, and they become an obsessed food-demanding crew that is a force to be reckoned with…or at least is moderately annoying.

P.S. I rescued Duncan from the Cat Welfare of Ohio in Columbus (hence his name in the cattoon).  Think about rescuing a cat TODAY! Or tomorrow.

My mom said I needed to get some good drawings up here. I hope this counts.

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Duncan and Smudge are all about luxury these days.
Duncan and Smudge are all about luxury these days.

So one of our wedding presents was a brand new set of some fancy cast iron bowls for Duncan and Smudge (thanks, Mar and Atul!).  The cats are so thrilled with them that they insisted upon fine dining only and now they only eat Fancy Feast.  Well, that’s only half true.  They eat Fancy Feast due to Disasterbetes2010 (again…more on that later…oh the suspense!).

I really like the bowls but get sort of grossed out because the nasty wet food bits get thrown about as they devour their food frantically and it gets stuck in all that delicate little scroll work on the bowls.  We can’t have nice things.

P.S. Hahaha, I just came up with “Disasterbetes2010” for this post and have a feeling it’s going to stay around for a while – or at least until I stop laughing when I think about the name.  Event: not so funny.  Name: awesome.

Smudge likes to keep it old timey.

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It took him years to look this good.
It took him years to look this good.

So, this really is pretty self-explanatory.  If not, see image below.

He tries to look casual, but he's really very formal.

He tries to look casual, but he's really very formal.

Ok, and I took a few liberties to help him with his embarrassing moustache imbalance but we don’t like to talk about that with him (he gets very self-conscious).

Fun fact!: His trademark “moustache” blob is indeed the reason for his name.

“What did you do to your cats this time? Please tell me no more sweaters.”

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Cat sweaters are totally in right now.

Cat sweaters are totally in right now.

So this is a custom drawn cattoon in response to the start of my new blog.  Ok, and it’s true that we might like to try to jazz up the cats a bit.  It’s also true that they really do love might not totally appreciate how dapper they look…and Duncan may or may not have panicked very similarly to this image.  Regardless, I love getting them all dressed up…at least for a photo to remember it by.  Then they can go back to their wild ways.

Duncan and Smudge Approved: My First Post!

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Duncan and Smudge.  True love.  Meow.

Duncan and Smudge. True love. Meow.

So here it is…my first post on my cattoon blog.  I had to start it with Duncan and Smudge, the guys who started it all.  So this may not be the best cattoon of all, but it’s where we shall begin.

And here they are in real life. Classy.