I got a new phone recently but it took me a while to decide if I should get one, where, etc. See, I have a friend who works for a cell phone company and he warned me that certain stores are like a shark tank. Now, I’m not into harassing salespeople but if I got a phone through them, Adam and I would be on a family plan which = savings! But because of my friend’s warning, I completely avoided going there for a good few months.
I finally decided to stick with my company (which had unlimited internet use, anyway – BOOYA!) and got a super cool phone, as evidenced here and here. Plus, the girl and dude who helped me were super nice, helpful, and not pushy at all. My kind of place.
I wish I could continue this story as being a fairytale ending….but it’s not. My phone has been acting up lately, so much so that I’ve had to factory reset my phone two times and it’s looking like a third is necessary. The problem is different each time, and is debilitating to the function of the phone. How am I supposed to waste time now? So I’m a bit irritated, to say the least.
On top of it, Mr. iPhone here (a.k.a. Adam) keeps rubbing it in my face that his phone hasn’t had any problems. And he does it ALL. THE. TIME. I seriously want to rub it in his face that at least I’m not a jerk.
Anyway, my phone is cool and when it works properly is awesome, it just sucks now and quite possibly could continue sucking. Although, at least I know it isn’t me because the Droid website has a bunch of other people complaining about the same problems, too…..wait. That might be even worse of a problem if it’s so widespread.
My friends Tom and Kelly have a cat they call El Tigre. Technically it is Tom’s cat, which is why he has a name like El Tigre (Tom is a bit of a character, you see). He is a bit literal at times, too, and El Tigre (Tigre for short) looks kind of like a tiger. An alien tiger, I suppose.
I love El Tigre. He is very sweet, loves getting pets, and likes to purr. He does look a little odd compared to the typical cat, however. I shall enumerate below.
1. He has crazy bug eyes.
2. His tongue is waaaaay abnormally long.
3. He has duck feet.
4. His massive underbite makes it so he can’t even close his mouth and his bottom fangs hang out in all their glory.
But his fur is like a silken dream and he’s nice….but this cattoon seriously isn’t all that far from how he looks. Haha, oh El Tigre. Te gusto.
Ok, I felt bad and decided to put a few pictures up to show that he really isn’t THAT alien like…just a little.
I had made a post about passive aggressiveness based on Duncan’s proclivity for this emotionally rude game and there was a line I had written that made me laugh out loud. I love it when I do that.
And I quoteth:
“Try it with an annoying friend…”Does this outfit make my face look ugly?” *sniff*”
So I decided to draw a picture about this but I couldn’t decide what the friend would look like. Would she really have an ugly face? Or just a weird body? Instead of tormenting my decision-making-impaired brain, I decided to go for instant gratification and do both.
Hence, the two sides of “Does this outfit make my face look ugly?”
Smudge is the kind of cat that can be depicted by the phrase “scaredy cat.” When he isn’t spending his time sleeping on decadent fuzzy blankets, he is usually scared.
Ok, let’s be fair; he is only sometimes scared. But that’s fairly frequently.
For example, I think he may not have liked me for, oh, 3 years or so because I talk too loud sometimes and may get overly excited about many seemingly insignificant things (which can happen quiet often) which leads to large-scale movements and the before mentioned loudness.
This cattoon was inspired when I was apparently startling Smudge while Adam was holding him and then he became even more startled once the toaster popped up the toast.
Moral of the story: Toasters are scary and so am I.
There’s that’s better. This is a completely, and unfortunately, true story about Adam’s first off-campus house at OSU. I’d like to start with a mostly generalized statement that college landlords often times SUCK and take advantage of poor kids who have no idea what they’re paying for or how to get what they need. On the other hand most college tenants SUCK and they probably deserve to pay high prices and whatnot for the damage they do.
In this story, none of this was related to Adam and his roommates, though I’m sure they weren’t the cleanest/best of tenants they did not bring any of this upon themselves so I’d like to blame the landlord.
Ok, let’s begin… (**note: Don’t wanna read it all? Look for the tl;dr (too long; didn’t read) at the end!**)
It started on a lovely late summer day in September. Adam and his roommates pulled up the big U-Haul to beautiful *** East Oakland Ave. (I am going to protect the identity of this house…it did not bring any of this upon itself and deserves a little privacy). A lovely early century house, the brick popped against the bright green tree in the front yard, the windows sparkled as they sat on the front lawn. Wait. What?! Yeah, that’s right the friggin’ window was in the front yard and there was a slew of workers painting, “fixing” things, etc. on the DAY THEY WERE MOVING IN.
I think that sets up the tone quite nicely of what was to come during their stay at this house.
Adam’s dad was pissed and was not having any of it so he called the landlord who kind of made things happen so that the guys could move in that day. So eventually we start to move things into the house and they notice a door in the kitchen with a padlock on it. When they took a tour the first time through, the landlord said it was just storage or not to worry about it or whatever. So the guys didn’t worry about it.
(Random apartments attached to locked kitchen doors:) As they were moving in and around the house, going from the front and the backyard they noticed that there was a weird addition of the house that they hadn’t been into yet. Upon further investigation and the noticing of an extra mailbox on the front, it was discovered that the padlocked kitchen door was to….another apartment with an older lady named Rosemary in it! This is NOT a duplex people. The landlord just rented them the house without their knowing about their ultra close roommate. Granted she was nice, never complained when they were too loud or unruly, but that’s just weird.
(Rats and maggots:) Now Rosemary comes into play later in the year, as well. They would bring her the mail if they got hers by mistake. Adam was going to drop off her mail and went to her little side access door (not the kitchen door since it was padlocked and all, you know). What he saw explained a lot of the further problems they had in their house. She had garbage stacked up ALL over the place. Garbage bags were literally EVERYWHERE – Adam says from floor to ceiling. Now, this makes me sad in a “Hoarders” kind of way but, gross…no one should live like that and unfortunately for Adam and his roommates, there were ramifications for their house, too. They had rats in their basement. Not just once or twice but every time they went down to the basement. There was also a fly problem down there which explained when they got maggots in the kitchen when they had food on the ground (which was nasty of them anyway).
(Attic friends:) Back to moving in…Andrew (Adam’s roommate) got the attic bedroom in this house. When he was moving in he had placed his hockey stick up against the wall. When he went downstairs and came back, his hockey stick was placed horizontally on top of a box, balanced near the edge. He also woke up one morning with his computer mouse on his chest. Now, the guys liked to play tricks on each other sometimes but these were not those times.
When I was there I used to get a creepy vibe and Adam was always on edge living there, too. Once Adam was home alone for the weekend since everyone was visiting their families. His room was the closest to the attic steps. Well, this weekend when no one else was home he was sitting in his room on his computer working on homework or something (my guess is “or something”) and heard footsteps climbing up the stairs to Andrew’s room. Now, I know what you are thinking. It was probably just Rosemary – well it wasn’t so get over it. Her place didn’t even have two stories anyway and it was on the other side of the house.
Adam also met someone who lived there before and they had similar experiences. Creeeeepy.
Additionally, the guys also found a squirrel in their attic, which might have made some of the noises they heard perhaps but I don’t think squirrels wear shoes and climb up stairs or balance hockey sticks, so I’m betting on a ghost.
(Rotten floor joists:) In the living room/dining room was a big spot near the wall that was probably the size of a coffee table. This was the “trampoline” spot because when you stood on it you could bounce. As fun as that may sound, when they inspected it a floor joist was rotten. They had called the landlord about this who sent someone to fix it…by hammering a small 2 x 4 to it. Right. That makes a lot of sense.
This next part is totally stupid and Adam and his friends were dumb but I think it’s funny and applies to this last problem. They all had motorcycles and the bright idea to bring them inside one day. On top of the rotten floor joists. I wish I had a great story about how the floor broke and motorcycle carnage ensued, but I can’t. Nothing happened, to my surprise. It might have been because there were only 2 motorcycles inside, not all 4…so that’s probably it.
Well, anyway, if you stuck in for the long haul and weren’t too grossed out just reading about it, you now know why I hate old houses. I suppose I generally like old houses, just not ones like this one.
Good old house note: in the next house they lived in they had a scraggle cat (probably a sewer cat) show up in their basement a lot. It wasn’t too friendly but it was a cat!
tl;dr Old houses are a lot of times cool, but Adam’s college house was dirty, haunted, broken, and had a lady living in the back of it.
Our apartment was getting really dry this winter so to alleviate becoming raisins we put a bowl of water in the room. This is the cheap woman’s humidifier. Well, the cats thought it was also their private drinking well and would frequent it often.
I found Duncan there one day using his little paw as a ladle instead of just slurping it up like a normal cat. It was rather humorous and I was proud to be the parent of a cat with manners…or at least manners in that particular circumstance because he rarely has them other times.
I don’t really have too much to say about this except…..
1. I’m wicked proud of that bear. Ferocious, snarling, and all on the first try. Just had to toot my horn there. Doo dah dah doo! (that was me tooting my horn)
2. I seriously have no freaking clue how Duncan is so strong when he stands (aside from his internal bear, of course). The ultimate worst is when I’m laying (lying? Which is it, folks?) in bed and he stands right on a rib, collar-bone, or other sensitive spot and it’s like his internal bear is stilt walking on me. I suppose I’d rather him be all into me than to simply eschew me, but love hurts.
As we all may have gathered, I’m a little strange. It’s been that way since day one and I love it. My poor cats on the other hand, not so much.
I had a bunch of babydoll clothes and decided that I was going to do a fashion shoot with my cat Tui when I was in middle school. The theme of that shoot was “Baby Chic” and included babydoll dresses, bonnets, and sass. I was at my mom’s house the other day and saw that she actually had one of these pictures from the “Baby Chic” collection framed and on her bookcase. Haha – I guess the apple don’t fall far from the tree, as they say.
And maybe when I was in high school I did another…but it was just a cape and a little crown for Tadley. That shoot I like to call “Regal meets Midwest.”
Ok, and I suppose we all remember this, which may or may not reference a sweaterpisode a few years ago for the “Home for the Holidays” shoot.
And Adam’s brother Lee even bought Duncan a little t-shirt that said “Buddha-belly,” so I guess that’s the “Enlightened Fashion” shoot. That was totally on him, by the way. Not entirely my doing.
And maybe Adam and I bought Santa and reindeer “outfits” from the Target “Just for Cats” holiday line.
Holy crap, I am a crazy cat lady…but I suppose Adam is right there along with me so that buffers it somehow?
I think he likes it...
*cue crazy stage mom* See? These cats are really into having a modeling career. I can tell they love it. I’m pretty sure they would be interested in dressing up all the time. Time to start booking agents.
Duncan has the annoying habit of pawing at things. Don’t get me wrong, it can be endearing as much as it is obnoxious, but it’s more obnoxious usually especially when he’s grabbing at my food.
I was infuriated at his antics and decided I had had enough. It was time for a change and the time was then! Things were going to be different one way or another. This is the big moment, Duncan. No more funny stuff. So I made this cattoon.
Now, I’d never actually call up Rent-A-Lobster and do this to poor Duncan but it was fun imagining it for the ensuing ramifications, especially when I’m eating string cheese – to never be harassed again would be cool. I suppose a pinched cat wouldn’t be very funny or fun, though. But to never be harassed about food again…
But you know what? He totally wouldn’t even care or remember afterward so it would all be for naught. Rats. I guess I have to pretend call back pretend Rent-A-Lobster and pretend stop my pretend plan.
Adam and I were in Target shopping for groceries and whatnot. We were just doing our thing zipping in and out of aisles when we heard this melancholic pathetic moan-cry coming from a little ways away.
“Someone’s sad,” I cheerfully noted, thanking myself that it wasn’t Adam doing the crying (haha).
When I listened closer to the dying-beast-like sound coming out of this little girl’s mouth, I heard her crying, and crying, and crying for….cookies.
They must have been really good cookies or she must have been really hungry. Or maybe she was just a brat. Or just cranky. Whatever. It was ridiculous and that’s why I loved it. Of all things in her little life that she could be sad and crying about, the worst thing she had going for her is that she really, really wanted some cookies and momma wasn’t into that.
Adam said that he would have been that little girl when he was a little boy…sounds weird but you get what I mean. I was both shocked and appalled that Adam would have been a tantrum child, knowing fully that I may have been the queen of pouting/tantruming now when I was little – it takes one to know one, but I had no idea about Adam. I would have thought Adam to be the kid who just sneakily puts the cookies in the basket when his mom wasn’t looking. (Upon just reading this to Adam he corrected my misguided image of him…he said he would have probably done both, haha)
See, you learn something new about the people you love all the time.
I just hope that if we have kids they don’t get both our tantruming genes or else we are in for a treat…
P.S. Happy Vernal Equinox yesterday at 7:21pm EDT! For those of you not aware, this is the time where the day is just about equal parts sun and dark because the Sun crosses the equator….for those of us in the northern hemisphere that means spring and more daylight coming our way! Suck it, winter!
Smudge goes nuts for squirrels (pun intended)! When Adam lived in Denver, Smudge would run from room to room chasing squirrels when they taunted him with their squirrelyness at the windows. He also had a standoff with a squirrel recently where the squirrel came in second place after the window. If you never thought a squirrel was smart, think again.
I remember growing up and my friend Lynn and I would talk about how we were scared of squirrels when we would walk home from school. Sure they’re cute, but they know how to intimidate.
One day I was walking home and decided it would be a fun idea to bark like a squirrel (? is that what they do?) at a squirrel. Needless to say, it didn’t go well. I can actually remember it very vividly in my head as I type this. As I made my squirrely noise, it proceeded to gallup up the tree – yes, gallup – and climb to the branch directly above my head and bark back at me with enough ferocity that I ran the rest of the way home. Good thing I was half a block from my house.
I had heard a story last year about some guy who had lost a finger in an accident and the doctors tried to help him out by doing an experimental treatment where they used a crushed up pig bladder somehow and applied it to the damaged tissue. Apparently in this story, the guy’s finger had regenerated and went back to normal. Being a scienc-y person I would have to know more before I felt comfortable really believing it, but it did get me thinking.
I was talking about it with some coworkers and I asked, “So what happened when his finger grew back? Was it a regular finger or a pig finger?” Hence, the drawing where my wild imagination took it. Oink. Oink.
Adam and I were sitting on the couch with the cats, ’cause that’s what we do, and we were watching something about the moon. The narrator said something about living on the moon or some other shiz.
Adam looked over at Smudge and said, “The moon?! Who lives on the moon, Smudgey? Not our moon.” I interpreted this to be Smudge and Adam’s moon, because that’s the way Smudge would want it to be.
Smudge LOVES Adam. Like, really LOVES him. In a weird way Adam is his mom/brother/baby. Smudge panics when Adam is gone from out-of-town and responds by spraying him when he gets back. Sick, I know. He likes to lick Adam’s head to clean him. Often he’ll do this in the morning when Adam is still in bed. I was actually jealous that Smudge didn’t try to clean me. After all, I am his mom. Actually he does sometimes lick my head now, but he kind of chokes on my long hair, haha. I guess that’s why he doesn’t do it often. Anyway, Smudge loves Adam and would like to live on the moon with him all to himself.
When I was getting my dressed altered for our wedding I went to a lady whose shop was in her house. It seemed a little strange at first but, boy, was she awesome. Extra awesomeness: she had a cat that kept me company when she was attending to business. This cat was a fat, cute Japanese Bobtail. I liked him.
When I asked Olga (yes, that is her real name) what the cat’s name was, she told me it was Ninja. It’s short for Fat Killer Ninja Cat. I liked him even more.
When I would be trying my dress on I would have the travel bag hanging in the corner of the room and Ninja would come and take naps in it. I liked even more more.
That’s about all I could like him since that’s about the extent of our relationship but I made this cartoon in his spirit and shared it with Olga. She liked it. No discounts (rats), but we had a laugh, haha.
This is an adventure in Grocerystoreland where Adam overheard a sweet little girl super excited about fruit; ah, a woman after my own heart.
The dialog is pretty much exact (Adam has an uncanny knack for remembering movie quotations, therefore he also excels at remembering conversations…but only that he wasn’t a part of. Whenever I try to get him to recall a really important thing he or I said he usually forgets. Selective? Maybe. I know I just hang onto what people said like an elephant and it drives me batty when he can’t remember telling me I was right…just for example). The best part about this is hearing Adam talk like the little girl – that really makes the story.
For those of you who know Adam, enjoy that. If you don’t, then I’m sorry. He also won’t do stories by request either; he’s a bit particular about his story telling.
Even sweet little Duncan has his moments when he appears to have an evil twin. We like to call him Dudan. Actually, I think Adam just said it one day and it stuck. Adam seems to think he told me a story about it but I don’t know…lemme go check.
…ok, I’m back. I just conferred with Adam and he told me one day I asked him to tell me a story (I was sick or something, lay off me) and it went something like this…
Once upon a time there was a girl named…..*pause* Lu*pause*lee and her cat named *pause* Du*pause*dan. Yeah, Lulee and Dudan…
That’s about all I remember but it led to the discovery that Duncan had an evil twin. I think we stopped talking about it after I drew this, so it was a short-lived revelation. But there remains a dark spot in my life with the lingering shadow of an evil cat twin. He’s probably the guy that replaced Duncan in this creepy episode. *shudder*
I was just messing around practicing drawing people and was using a picture of some lady dancing to make this drawing. But I decided to jazz it up a bit with a treacherous obstacle…a bouncy, yippee, bite-y dog that would bite quickly and ferociously. Nobody wants to deal with that.
I would like to think that she was forced to endure an Indiana Jones-type event but on a less intense scale. This would be obstacle 5 of 6, with the others ranging from cleaning food-covered plates with no gloves and the water is all cold to walking through ankle deep water and she hates to have the cuffs of her pants damp. Why? I don’t know…maybe to get to her bowl of ice cream that she’s craving that her frenemy stole. The frenemy hid it and is now making this girl go through these challenges to get it back just for entertainment because the power went out. That’s probably it.
That’s right, I married a younger man. Gasp!/Oh, snap! And today we are now the same age again for 4 months and 2 days. Note: I did not make Adam wear a funny hat, nor did I steal his birthday cake. But I imagine Duncan would if it was Smudge’s birthday. And, ok, ok, I’ll admit when Adam opened the Good ‘n’ Plentys that his brother got him, I did ask him if I could have some even before he opened them. But at least I asked him first.
Bonus for the weekend was that Adam’s brother came into town to celebrate with us. I have detailed the exciting events below using my cell phone.
Lee and I are a like a tornado of instant gratification.
Firstly, this program I downloaded for my cell phone is rad. That being said, Lee and I started out on Friday as I picked him up from the airport and we went shopping for presents for Adam. A bit late? Perhaps. Still able to be accomplished? Yes.
I knew of two major things I wanted to get…but when Adam came home from work, there were about 15 items on the table for him to open between what Lee and I got him, ranging from emergency solar/crank-powered radio/flashlight/usb charger, to Good ‘n’ Plentys, to honey, to POM juice, etc. But, in our defense, these are all things Adam would love and appreciate. And he did. So there. We finished up the evening chatting and with me falling asleep on the couch while they had brother time. Big surprise on my part.
Then we got up leisurely and went to breakfast. The reason our eyes are all squinty is not because it was bright or we were hung over but that it’s hard to make tiny dots on my cell phone screen.
Lookin' good, Adam!
We then took a trip to REI, one of the only stores Adam can stand to browse in. Because it’s awesome. It’s all outdoorsy and the sales are pretty decent. See, I usually get way engrossed while browsing in stores; it caters to my ADD tendencies and I focus in on seeing every item. Needless to say, Adam doesn’t shop that way and gets a bit annoyed with me when we go into stores. With this store it’s different and Adam had fun. He got some birthday hiking boots, which leads to the next part of the adventure…
Someone mistook us for a pack of wild animals.
We went hiking. Woo! Nothing much to say about that except I ran a little experiment. I like to say hi to people as we pass them; you know, a little shared moment of “hey, we’re all hiking and enjoying the outdoors together, man.” I generally expect some sort of acknowledgment from people but I’d say that 90% of people ignored me. In the words of Michelle Tanner, “How rude!”
We came home and got all dolled up for dinner and then we went to dinner. It was very tasty and had a good atmosphere. When I awkwardly asked the server if they do anything for birthdays, things got ugly. Well, not entirely, but he came back and said his manager asked him if Adam’s birthday was today or not. Since this was Saturday and not today, we said so. He then said that they only give free dessert if it’s the actual birthday. F’real? That’s a load of crap if you ask me. Do we really look that deviant that we would try to pretend our way to a free dessert? Perhaps so…but we weren’t this time.
This is how happy Adam WOULD have looked if he got free dessert.
The evening ended with Adam and Lee competing against each other on Gran Turismo. Adam loves this game and plays it for hours on end. He is teaching his brother the ins and outs of it so that he has a new gaming buddy. I’m cool with this because he’s gonna play it anyway and at least I don’t have to pretend like I’m listening when he tells me about the cars in the game and stuff in the races. Sorry, but it’s true.
So HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! I love you and though this wasn’t the most exciting of birthdays, you’re set on candy and random stuff for a while and got a bit of exercise, family time, gaming, and food! Couldn’t be better, if you ask me.
Here’s another installment of my cell phone artwork. I thought it would be funny to dress up Duncan. Not too detailed as it’s hard to see what I am doing through my finger, but funny all the same. Duncan has a hard time using the monocle but he needs it to see.
Tonight we went out for dinner and frozen yogurt (yes!) with our neighbor friends. Super fun! We had a great time and had some fun conversations. This cattoon buttertoon is based on one such fun conversation with Paul and Leslie during a previous outing.
Paul mentioned that he liked the ensuing humor when there is a grammar faux pas and gave this lovely example. So instead of thinking of riding your bike down the street and seeing some butter, we interpreted it as butter riding a bike.
Thus, some butter riding a bike. I like its moustache. He’s very debonair.
That’s what a gallon a milk a day and massive lifting will get ya.
I have a twin brother (this was a fun fact my students really like the other day, so I figured I would post about him today!). Yes, I am 6 minutes wiser older so I like to think of myself as his big sister and he, my little brother. Another fun fact is that we are not identical. I know that sounds funny, but I get that a lot from people…ok, mostly kids but I might be concerned that these kids will grow up to be misinformed adults.
I hope that you all are very well informed, but since I teach science, I love telling people what I know figured I should also share a mini science refresher tidbit for everyone. The only way twins are identical is if the zygote (that’s the next step after the sperm and egg become friends) splits in utero, essentially making two identical copies of the itty bitty pre-baby with the same DNA. That’s why they are identical; they have the same recipe in both babies. Part of why this fact is important (the whole reason it’s important , actually) is that your DNA states if you will be genetically a boy or girl. If there are two babies with the same DNA, i.e. identical twins, they’re both boys or both girls. So there is no way that Ben and I could be identical because he is a boy and I am a girl. We are what you call fraternal twins – this is when two separate eggs are fertilized by two separate sperm. We are no more similar than any other brother and sister except that we shared a uterus for 8.5 months. BAM! Science.
So anyway, Ben has recently gotten into working out. A lot. It’s his new thing.
Part of his work out plan is eating. A lot.
He has been working out and eating so much that he has really put on a ton of muscle. His other new nickname is Beef Stew since he really beefed up. I only called him that once but I think that still counts as an official nickname.
He also drinks a lot of milk in his plan. I think about a gallon a day. He used to bring them into work with his name on it and everyone knew it was his milk even without the name.
In honor of his accomplishments of buffing up, I made him this cattoon for our birthday last July.
Footnote 1: Haha, someone he knew even asked him if he was on steroids….nope just growth hormones from all the milk he’s been drinking.
Footnote 2: I have friends, Dave and Chris, who are brothers 3 years apart but born on the same day. Once I said to them, being totally earnest, “Man, it must suck to have to share your birthday with someone else.” Wow, Lindsay. Wow.
Footnote 3: No, Ben and I do not look alike. We actually won 3rd and 2nd place two years in a row in our age class for least alike male and female twin at the Twins Day Festival in Twinsburg, OH. Granted, there were only like 5 sets of twins, maybe. Once when we went to the festival we both wore some sweet overalls and matching day camp t-shirts. Yeah, we were awesome.
Adam told me a story once about a trip to the beach with his family that ended up being ridiculous.
Alright. … (me waiting for him to start) … (do I need to ask him to get the story goin?) …
(nope…here he goes) We’re sittin’ on the beach, and there’s a heavy-set woman with her beach stuff. Her husband goes off to get drinks or somethin’. She’s eatin’ this stuff called Fiddle Faddle. She throws a piece on the ground and so a seagull eats it. All the sudden more seagulls come to eat it and they’re all squawin and stuff and she’s like (cue high-pitched warbly voice) “BAAAAHRGHGHGHGH!”
She’s like wavin’ her hand and she stops feedin’ ’em and chases them away. Then her husband comes back…maybe he went for a run, I don’t know. So he comes back and the seagulls have all left by this point.
And she goes (cue fast-talking high-pitched southern accent voice), “Oh my god, you’ll never believe what happened. I was sittin’ here, eatin’ some Fiddle Faddle when all of a sudden the seagulls just started swaaaarmin‘!!!”
That’s really all I remember. I thought it was really funny as a kid.
Spoken by Adam, scribed by me pretty much word for word, haha. Good story.
Actually, not being sarcastic, any story with the word “Fiddle Faddle” will inevitably prove to be funny.
This was from a day that it was all about Adam. Adam, Adam, Adam…I feel like Jan Brady. Seriously, though, he couldn’t stop talking about stuff like cars and junk. Oh wait, that’s every day. Hahah, I kid, I kid. It was probably just his birthday or something.
Anyway, I made this because I was feeling bratty and left out and this is how I felt…like the lonely talk-show side kick who is just there to laugh at the host’s jokes and provide a casual transition song when needed. No one really cares what you have to say and you have to smile and nod along for the camera, even if you don’t care what the host is saying.
Boo. Hoo. Waaaah. That was me pouting and crying.
But I’m obviously over it now. So I’ll stop and we can enjoy Adam as a cheesy talk show host. 😀
Firstly, I just got a new phone (yay!), for which I will have a cattoon later…so we’ll keep this part brief. Relevant information about this is that it’s really fun playing with applications (I kind of hate the word “apps” like I hate the word “hoodies” – I would rather say the whole thing. Reason? I don’t know. Maybe it’s like hearing soccer moms say “bling bling.”) and so I got a sketchbook application. This was my first attempt at using it and I think it turned out pretty well for a finger on a 4 inch screen. Bonus is that now I’ve got another way to waste my time; since I am a proficient procrastinator, this will definitely fit well into my lifestyle.
So the inspiration for this is Duncan’s love of eating grass or grass-like plants. Whenever we’ve let him roam outside (in his snazzy harness, mind you) or on the deck, he gravitated to those sproingy blades of planty-goodness like they’re on sale. Except they’re free, but I think you get the picture.
The only problem is that usually this results in a puddle of grassy bits (not even really chewed up) mixed with vomit on the ground somewhere. Every. Time. You’d think he would learn by now that the instant pleasure of grass consumption inevitably leads to discomfort and vomit later. Especially since I have to clean it up – or maybe that’s all a part of his plan.
Originally when I drew this, I made a caption mentioning something about canoodling. Little did I know that the word canoodling meant more than I was intending. So to avoid any inappropriate interpretations of what this cattoon might be about, I just cropped out the misleading caption, which is why this cattoon is such an irregular shape compared to normal.
Your daily fun fact: canoodling is not a word you would want to casually throw around because it apparently has some more adult connotations. There. Clarification for all.
So this was inspired while Adam and I were cuddling on the couch. I happened to look over and Duncan was by the chair motionless, staring intently at us. However, it was more than just a regular cat stare. This was the kind of creepy stalker/murderer-in-a-movie stare. The kind that calls upon some telepathic powers to send a message directly from sender to recipient. Like the minute right before the serial killer in the movie chases the victim through the house; they pause and know exactly what is about to ensue through that eye connection “conversation”. You know what I’m talking about.
No questions asked, I knew what Duncan meant. He was demanding it to be dinner time. Generally, I would expect Duncan to inform us of any delay in feeding time but this time it was creepier than normal. This wasn’t an in-your-face kind of request for food. This was some sort of weird cold and calculating message being sent.
I did not like it…enough so that I promptly got up and fed him.
Gratefully, he never creeped me out again but I think that was a definite warning that he isn’t messing around anymore and we’ve got to step up our game if we don’t want things to get serious.
Today I present to you a punny funny drawing Adam did. He likes to cartoon and draw things too sometimes and since I like puns I let invited him put it up onto my blog. You’re welcome, sweetie.
When I asked Adam if he wanted to say anything about his artwork, he just shook his head and said “No.” Then he did decide he wanted his voice heard and said that he recognizes now that it wasn’t the most original idea in the world (Google it and you’ll see) but it was funny when he thought of it. And it’s a toupee. (That last line was from me.)
I honestly love puns though, so I thought this was pretty hilarious, especially the toupee’s hairy arms and funny face. I guess if it’s a “hell” toupee it shouldn’t be funny, but I suppose that’s evidence to my strange sense of reality.
If you like puns, too, I also recommend this. It’s from one of our favorite TV shows, The Marvelous Misadventures Flapjack (one of the best cartoons ever…no lie, check it out).
I decided to work out a bit today with Adam and our ever-present coach was right there with us. Duncan was very good about assessing our performance as always, so I decided to give him a treat and play a bit with him. And by a bit I mean it – sorry Duncan. Ten – fifty seconds probably isn’t enough.
He has a string that he loves a lot. Almost too much. It gets him going and he turns into playmaniac with it. I decided that it would be fun to put it on his head to see what he would do. He ended up walking around with it for a minute or two. It wasn’t very exciting. However, he did eventually get it to drop off his ear and this is what happened…
This summer my friends I grew up with and I had the rare opportunity to take a vacation together. Together with our partners we rented a house for a week in Fort Myers, Florida. Actually, Adam had to work so I was flying solo. Boo.
In my stupidity, trying to be logical and fair, when the lottery for bedrooms came up and my name was called near the beginning I decided to “just take the pull out couch in the living room since it didn’t make sense for me to get a whole bedroom, let alone one with a bathroom.” Why, oh why would I say that? Because all I did after that was complain about having my bedroom in the middle of the common area. In fairness, I didn’t really care that much but that didn’t stop me from being vocal. Sorry, guys. But, dang-it, it did kind of suck, especially considering how much I like to sleep. Overall it was cool and I did get my twenty fifty winks and it wasn’t that bad. I’m pretty sure any of the couples who would have had to sleep on the pull out couch would have been worse about complaining than me anyway (zing!).
So that really had nothing to do with the cattoon but I thought it was funny and that you should know it, too.
So on to the story…
I was actually on the phone with Adam one day and stepped outside to chat with him. As I was telling him all about the trip so far, this bare-footed, kind of pear-shaped woman probably in her late 50s or early 60s wearing a fanny pack and looking confused staggered/strolled (couldn’t tell which) close to the house from the road. Luckily I was on the handicapped ramp for the house – it’s an accessible vacation, people! – which gave us a little distance because she was kind of creepy.
I tell Adam I’ll call him back to give my full attention to the situation. I thought this lady had some issues or something and was wandering around the town away from her caregivers; it was that bizarre and unsettling, especially with her not wearing shoes from the road and her weird mannerisms.
“Can I call my son? He needs to know I’m ok.” This was more fuel to the crazy fire but in my infinite stupidity again I was drawn in and concerned for this woman. Maybe she was being searched for right now – her face planted onto a milk carton as we were speaking.
“What’s your son’s name and number? I can call for you.” I started to get suspicious at this point and like hell if I was going to let her use my phone and turn on her sprinter feet and run away with it.
“You can call him at xxx-xxx-xxxx. He needs to know I’m ok.”
“Oooookkkkk, what’s his name again? What do you want me to tell him?” I’m dialing at this point, planning on saying something like, “Your mother is bare-footed and bothering me. I think she might be cracked out.”
At this point, the lady reaches into her handily located fanny pack, worn to the front of course, and roots around in there for a minute. Hey, no one ever claimed they weren’t practical. After a while she hands me……
A STACK OF BUSINESS CARDS!!! With her name on it. Darlene. They were red and had a microphone printed on it. The sub-heading said, “Entertainer with a heart.”
As I grab the card she starts walking away, me still on the phone, confused and not getting any answer but still naively thinking that she really wanted to call her son. In her last act of the show, she says to me, “I’ll be at the Lani Kai***.”
I finally get what she was doing there with the acting and the self-promotion and walk inside with that face Joey makes in Friends when he’s trying to look serious for the soap opera scenes.
At this point I’m retelling the story and sharing the cards with everyone inside and we immediately begin to think about going to the Lani Kai. Damn, Darlene is good.
The next part of this story involves the “ding” in the cattoon and the cattoon itself. We played lots of board games this trip and PIT was one of them. Intense and loud that one is. To win that game you need slam a bell, like the kind you see with a sign “ring for service”. For some reason, ok well part of the reason is that a bell like that is fun to hit, I started to hit the bell to emphasize a one-liner or the punchline of a joke. That became pretty popular with us the rest of the trip, especially when referring to our new friend, Darlene.
For our wedding, my friends were all at the same table and I decided to get them a special wedding favor in addition to the regular one everyone else got. I bought each of them a little bell and in the package was this cattoon I made for each of them.
DING! The joke that keeps on giving – thanks, Darlene.
*** I decided to put this note as a footer as not to interrupt the flow of the story. I know, so kind of me (as if there wasn’t enough stream of consciousness happening all the time as it were). I just wanted to add an additional tidbit as to why this story is even funnier to me. One of my friends had been to the Lani Kai before and told us how it was pretty horrific. Therefore, we immediately jumped onto the internet to see what the reviews had to say. Don’t be persuaded by the 18 reviews stating it as an “excellent” hotel because there are 131 that classify it as “terrible.” Take some time to read them – it’s pretty awful, haha.
A little unorthodox here at notacrazycatlady but I am going to break routine with no cattoon for today. I know, I know. What are you going to for your daily dose of cat? Don’t worry, that will be supplied further on in the post.
As I mentioned a post a couple of days ago, Adam and I were traveling by airline this weekend. If you ride the silver-bellied gas guzzler (that was a joke from a nature hike guide at our local metroparks that I bird-walked with for extra credit for a high school biology class in ninth grade…I even remember that it was suuuuuuuuper early and mostly retirees – sounds like our honeymoon) then you know all about SkyMall catalog and the time-wasting entertainment it provides. This catalog is great for several reasons for me in that it appeals to my impulsive side without allowing me to cave into desires, is structured so that my random brain feels right at home, and is always changing from season to season so there’s always something new to “shop for” even if I’ve skimmed it every flight I’ve ever taken.
Since they advertise on the front that it’s a “Free copy – take it. We’ll replace it!” I did just that. If you haven’t flown lately I figured I would share with you a few of the better items in the catalog that might be on my birthday wish list something that you can waste your time pleasure reading like I got to this weekend.
First item up…
Because who doesn’t want this in their backyard?
I’m all about cheeky, silly, bizarre humor, as well all know but this one leaves even me a little befuddled. Firstly, the price tag is a little hefty for the kind of item that I would expect to be in the impulse section at the cash register at your grocery store. Seriously, who is thinking to themselves, “Why yes, my garden does need a little jazzing up. I suppose I could call the landscaper or just pay 90 bucks for a zombie garden ornament.” Based on most of the prices in SkyMall, they cater to a higher clientele, which I can hardly imagine would be seriously interested in dropping that much for something that seriously can’t be a long-term piece in the garden collection. I suppose I shouldn’t judge, but this one gets me every time I see it in the catalog. (Ok, I guess I secretly think it’s cool and maybe want one…but more as a fantasy and not actually at my fictional house. How does that even work? A fantasy wish for a fictional house. That’s even a little too esoteric for me.)
Item number two…
This actually looks comfortable.
This item would have been a great addition to my post a few days ago. I’m not gonna lie. This one I really like. I can imagine myself using it and it seems phenomenal. Downfall, however: I have a little neck pillow that I need to inflate when I get to the airport and it’s super awkward trying to blow it up. And that’s a small neck pillow – not a rather large miraculous wedge-shaped pillow. I suppose you can get out your mattress air pump to try to fill it efficiently or just carry it around with you throughout the airport already to capacity. Which of those three would be your best bet? I can’t tell, which is why I haven’t bought one of these yet.
I've seen this ad before but this is the first time I've looked this closely...boy was I missing out!
In this ad, I’ve added a few of my own annotation marks – namely the three red circles at the top. Here was our thought process as Adam and I interpreted this item. 1. Note the strange logo at the top – what in the world is with the “g” and the “d?” Those are weird and look like….sperm. 2. Note the logo on the shoe – what the heck is with the stupid sperm thing? Is that just a bad attempt at designing a logo? Were they trying for the next Nike swoosh? Weird… 3. Note the circled feature info – “Slick seed of life logo?!?” So this really is a sperm. Seriously?! OMG. “Because its cool?!?!” What is wrong with these people? (*cue perfectionist judgmentasaurus*) Ugh – they even used the wrong “its.”
I really don’t know what else to say except I don’t want any sperm on my shoes and this is just weird.
Finally, number 4 – a product dedicated to cats and their owners…
My favorite part? The cat's face. Can you come up with a good caption for what he might be thinking?
Who doesn’t love a product with cutesy alternative phonetic spelling? That aside, I have wanted to do this with a cat since before Meet the Parents. It all just seemed like too big of a dream to realize but now it seems as if I have an award-winning product that can make my dreams come true. Perhaps it is the idea of championing one of nature’s more independent thinkers through the means of a cool trick that gets me excited about this or maybe it’s because I’m lazy and would love to not have to clean another litter box again. Either way, I think this is pretty hilarious but worth it. I might just have to visit their website.
P.S. In case you were wondering, this season’s SkyMall also included two hidden cat litter boxes if this product doesn’t interest you.
I’ll have to find a picture of Duncan doing this, but he really does. And when he does, I think he looks like he has duck feet. It’s pretty cute.
Speaking of feet, this reminds me of a funny story from middle school.
I started my cross-country career in 8th grade and did pretty well. I wasn’t the best on the team but generally was about third or so. Before each race we’d do a walk through of the course since we would be traipsing across parking lots, fields, woods, and whathaveyou where the path is not always obvious. Anyway, the top two girls on our team were pretty confident in their talents; so much so that before a race one day they decided that it was imperative that they put on their running tights before a race instead of walking the course. They must have been pretty sensitive to cold…because the rest of us were fine in just our gym uniforms (maybe we wore singlets, I’m not sure but gym uniforms sounds better).
So anyway, as we were running, I was hanging in up there in the top 10 or so runners just doing my thing. At one point in the course, there was a fork with one side following the high school course, which was much longer, and the other side pretty much as the final stretch for the middle school course. Guess who was in first place and didn’t pay attention to the right path because she was too busy with her leggins? That’s right. My teammate. And in the spirit of middle school, all the other girls right behind her followed here literally into the woods onto the high school path.
That is, of course, until it got to me. The combination of my uncanny ability to not want to break rules, awkward defiance of peer pressure, and general talent at remembering things caused me to be the first runner to feed into the turn that lead to the chute and got me into first place. Yes, folks, I became a champion that day. It was pretty spectacular.
One of the major things I remember was the evil, evil glares I got from those girls who took the wrong path. They were literally shooting daggers at me with their eyes. Unsettled slightly but mostly unaffected by their attempts to shame and guilt me into thinking my victory was unworthy, I awkwardly carried my trophy/ribbon/medal/whatever chintzy thing they handed out over to my sweet fanny pack.
Ok, that last part is a lie. I stopped wearing my pink neon fanny pack when I was like 10. But that’s another story for another day.