This September Adam and I tied the knot and went on a splendid honeymoon that was a little less than traditional. We decided to head to Maine and go on a windjammer boat! It sounded adventurous, filled with nature, and we thought we were going to be sailors by the end of it all.
My impression as we signed up: Cool! It’s a huge 90 foot long sailboat and we’re going to learn how to do all sorts of cool pirate-y stuff probably. Do we get eye patches? Yeah, we’re gonna go out in the open seas and the food is gonna be awesome! I can’t wait until we get to see some really cool cities in Maine when we go to shore.
My impression as we got the complimentary DVD in the mal after we signed up: Hmm…is this from 1992? ‘Cause I’m pretty sure high-waisted acid wash jeans and those windbreakers aren’t all that in fashion…plus that’s a little grainy for a DVD. Oh, wait! There’s the second half of the DVD…looks like we hit the 2000s. Wait – is it me or is that a lot of gray hair or is it just me. Aw, dang. We’re taking a retirees’ cruise. Baloney. Well….it’ll be…….interesting….
My impression as we get to the boat: Is this really a city? I mean it’s the biggest thing we’ve seen so far, but I’m a little confused. Um…where are we supposed to go? No one seems to be here to help us so I guess we just go whatever we want. Hmm…let’s try this one down there. What the? Are those elderly folks really walking with all their luggage down that precariously wobbly awfully steep bridge-y thing to get to the boat? Oh my god, we’re gonna see someone tumble and my first aid certification expired last year. That’s like a 30 degree angle! Jeebus! Oh look, a young person! The crew is our age…that’s nice. Maybe we can talk with them about MTV or something. Hey, that older guy was nice to you. What did he say?….”You guys know you’re travelling with a retirement home?” Oh. Well….let’s get our stuff situation. Where’s our room? Is that the closet? Oh. That’s the room. I see. Are those open slats on the door? On all the doors? Oh. I see. Um…let’s just go back to the grocery store and Walmart for the 3rd time. Maybe we can get some snacks or something….
My impression 2 days into the cruise: You have got to be kidding me. What the heck were we thinking? Seriously? There are like 3 people over the age of 85 here. I thought we were going to get to do some adventuring. Well, at least the food is delish!
My impression 3-6 days into the cruise: Yay! This is soooo much fun! Everyone is really nice and we have a few other “late nighters” who we can chat with till like 9. I hope no one falls…that would really kill the mood. The food is great, it’s nice to just relax, enjoy the sea, row ashore and get a work out, spend some time together, and work on logic puzzles.
And here is where the cattoon finally emerges into the story. As we carelessly jaunted from one little island or bay to another I would often do my logic puzzles. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, you don’t know what you are missing! They’re these little grid things with there’s some dumb story at the top that is not necessary to read since it doesn’t really matter anyway. You use the provided clues to put all the missing pieces together. Like….which girl lived on which street in which color house and with which pet. That sort of thing.
The puzzle I was working on was for some puppeteer name Paulus Petricelli. I was astonished because Adam’s middle name is Paul and Petricelli is not too far off from his last name. Amazing! Perhaps Adam has a secret career as a puppeteer and was spotted on a late night puppeting show by the editor for this logic puzzle book and in an attempt to somewhat protect his identity they changed his name. Secret’s out, folks! We have a celebrity up in here! And obviously his puppet would be a version of Smudge (name changed for his protection, as well, of course).
So please, if you see Adam puppeteering somewhere, please be sure to heckle him.